And tonight I know it all has to begin again...

[delicatefire.insanejournal.com]

Characters: Loki and Sigyn
Date/Time: A few days after the Faery incident
Location: Sigyn's modest studio apartment
Rating: PG-13 for the time being
Warnings: We'll let you know.
Summary: Sigyn is reasonably shook up after the hallucination from the fae, and having lost her job upon return. What's the logical thing to do? Ask to see Loki.


What was she thinking? Wanting to see Loki, of all people? Hadn't she just seen more than enough of him to last for a million lifetimes? And fuck you, faery bastards. Those had been her boys. Had been her heart. Thank you for ripping it out and beating it with a meat cleaver.

It had been his fault. Loki had brought this upon their sons. And yet, she stayed. Because they were married, she was just as much at fault. She should have stopped him. So, why had she stayed to hold a bowl over his head for an age? Over the head of the man who had taken everything from her out of boredom or whatever petty jealousy he seemed to have?

Because he was all that she'd had left.

Because somewhere in her heart of hearts, she loved him. In her mind, the Linnaea part of her was very angry about where things could potentially go because she was starting to give in.

All they were going to do was talk. Right? In the meantime, Naea was flopped out on her couch that also doubled as her bed (good ol' futons) in a David Bowie shirt she'd found at a second-hand store and a pair of shorts, watching streaming Netflix on her laptop, and waiting anxiously for the unknown.

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[trickytricks.insanejournal.com]

The hallucination had been...an experience. And not one that Loki needed, really. It was all just a reminder that he was alone, all of it was his fault, and no matter what he did lifetime after lifetime, no matter how many times he was reborn, everything had fallen apart - it had burst into flame and barreled down to hell on a fiery locomotive. How long would have have to remember? How could that ache ever subside?

It couldn't.

He had regrets. People thought he didn't, or that he didn't feel things. That wasn't true. He felt things very deeply, and he remembered with disturbing clarity. Death, true death, never returning, would almost be a blessing at this point. Sigyn was the only brightness. She always had been - her, and their sons. But they were gone too. All that was left was Loki living in a mortal's world, a mortal's life, that didn't even feel like starting over.

But when she asked him to come over, he did. He picked up a nice bottle of Merlot but nothing too pricey, even if he could afford it. He also brought a fig spread with manchego cheese and crusty bread, in case she was hungry. Loki worried about her, because Sigyn worried about everyone else - sometimes she neglected herself. When he arrived, he knocked on her door quietly and waited with no shortage of anxiety for her to answer.

[delicatefire.insanejournal.com]

Her laptop nearly met its maker when she gave a start as the buzzer sounded through the small apartment. She'd been engrossed with some Spanish movie about some crazy love triangle that involved a man having an affair with another man while his wife fell to pieces. A good movie, though full of lies and more lies where the only truth that remained is that someone was always in love with someone else.

Sigyn closed her computer and meandered to the door, pressing the button to let Loki into the building before deciding that a couple of pillows needed to be moved. Funny how she was content to keep her dress far below the nines, and wanted to make sure her small apartment looked presentable.

She managed to pull her hair up into some sort of quick and messy knot before the knock announcing Loki's arrival made her glance up at the door. What had she been thinking? Was the pull really so much that she had felt the need to be close to him? Just to talk. You need to talk.

Locks were undone; Sigyn somehow managed to greet him with a smile. "Place is a mess, but come on in." She stepped back to allow him entry. The 'mess' that was her studio apartment consisted of one futon, one small coffee table across from it, her acoustic guitar in the corner, and a few odds and ends on the kitchen counter (of which the kitchen was separated by a single half-wall).

Oh, how her heart ached! Oh, how her stomach had knotted itself while waiting for him. "How long did it take you to get here?"

[trickytricks.insanejournal.com]

"Just about a half hour," Loki smiled slightly, sort of an enigmatic expression, but it was warm - especially when around her. But it was just that he was never one to show teeth when he grinned, not in that face-splittling sort of way, not anymore. Not in this life. "I tend to be a speed demon. Oh, here you are..."

He presented the wine to the lady, but set the snacks he had brought on the coffee table, everything still in its bag. "This combo goes great with red wine, so I thought we could try it." Then he slowly dragged deep blue sea eyes around the place, taking in everything - but pausing on the guitar. A few steps were taken closer so he could examine the instrument, but of course he didn't touch it. Naea probably wouldn't approve.

"Was this your mother's?"

[delicatefire.insanejournal.com]

She blinked down at the wine, thanking him quietly as he placed things on the table. In theory, she could tell him that he 'really shouldn't have', but what purpose would it serve? He had gone above and beyond, and what would he really do with it? Pick everything up and go home?

Either way, she'd just be rude if she did anything but thank him.

His question about the guitar puzzles her, and Sigyn attempts to remember if this is something she'd mentioned to him before. "Ah... yeah," she replied, taking a few steps toward Loki and the instrument while cradling the bottle of wine. "How did you know?"

[trickytricks.insanejournal.com]

"You mentioned your mother was the reason you still had music in your blood. Lucky guess, I suppose," he replied, offering a crooked grin in accompaniment to his explanation. "Do you ever play for other people or do you strictly stick to practicing in here?"

He'd be interested to hear her talents sometime, but a private concert was probably something Naea wouldn't agree to right off the bat. But Loki wasn't musical in this life - Adam was the dry sort when it came to the arts and having a talent for them; he just had talents in other venues. Stepping back toward the coffee table, the cheese he brought was unwrapped, the cap screwed off the jar of fig spread, all in an effort to keep his hands busy because it wasn't like he could light up a cigarette in her apartment.

[delicatefire.insanejournal.com]

She'd replayed that night a thousand times in her head; the conversation a thousand more. How did her brain forget that little tidbit of information? Naea grins sheepishly before turning to sit the unopened bottle of wine on the table. "Right, you're right. Been a long day."

Glancing from the guitar to Loki, she shrugs. "I don't tend to play in the mindset of gaining an audience." Moving toward the kitchen, "I play at the park sometimes, and occasionally people will stop to listen, but I'm probably not going to gain a cult following in the near future." A corkscrew (one attached to a bottle opener she'd picked up at the second-hand store... just like nearly everything else in her kitchen), a butter knife, and two wine glasses (painted with some abstract-y designs by Naea) are brought to her little coffee table.

"I can put some music on? If you want." Sigyn bit her lip and glanced at her laptop. "Not sure what you're into."

[trickytricks.insanejournal.com]

For some reason, the thought of Naea playing at the park made Loki smile. It seemed so very...her. He didn't know why, exactly - but it was like it was a memory that felt warm, like he was really there and listening to her. She could sing too, couldn't she? That was also a thought that popped into his head. Probably better than he could, though nowadays Adam could at least hum in tune - granted, he didn't have much time or inclination for singing. But he appreciated others who could.

He picked up the wine glass and studied the designs, chuckling a little. "Music would be nice," he agreed, then poured them both two glasses of wine to start. "I like jazz, mostly. Classical. Whatever's considered classic, anyway. Is what I tend to prefer. The top 40 hits are...not my cup of gin."

Then he paused, thoughtful for a moment. "Truly, I'm sorry about what happened with your job, Naea. I...think you're young and so talented though, and I know you'll find something better."

[delicatefire.insanejournal.com]

As he poured the wine, Naea visibly wrinkled her nose at the ‘top 40’ comment and shook her head. “Oh, top 40 is evil... but then, a lot of good stuff was ‘top 40’ at some point in time.” As she plucked around on her laptop to see what she had in the ‘classic’ category (other than classic rock), his words made her take pause. She didn’t look up at him, though the slight flush rising in her cheeks did partially give away her thoughts at that moment. People didn’t just say things like that to her. Or if they did, it never really sounded quite like that. ‘Talented’ and ‘something better’ were not words used in much context with her and her job skills.

“Um,” she muttered, finally chancing that glance over at him that appeared a bit shyer than it might normally be. “Thanks. I’ll start looking in the morning… just feeling a need to throw a mini pity-party tonight. I’m afraid you’re my only guest, so, sorry about that.” Naea smirked, finally settling on throwing her playlist on shuffle before returning to her seat next to Loki.

“I don’t have much by the way of classical, I’m afraid. I like a little bit of most things... so hopefully you can find something you enjoy in the menagerie that is my playlist.” As if to prove some weird point, the first song that decided to announce itself was The Who's Behind Blue Eyes... something that could easily apply to either of them.

Or the two of them as a whole. His dark to her light. The two sides of the same coin, as they had always been, and would always be.

[trickytricks.insanejournal.com]

"It's no trouble." His smile was surprisingly warm, given the usual chilly demeanor Adam often gave off - to match his eyes, a glacial blue. But something in them thawed at Naea's apparent shyness. "I was just glad to be invited as your guest in the first place."

He enjoyed The Who, classic rock was a genre that could never really be wrong, and relaxed into the couch with the wine and the general positive ambiance of the company. "I'm never quite sure what to do with myself anyway," he heard himself rambling. "I tend to work a lot. It's easier to...keep occupied, I guess. That way I don't think too much."

[delicatefire.insanejournal.com]

Naea managed a smile as she took the glass of wine that was poured for her before turning to face him fully on the futon, tucking her legs in an Indian style. "I understand how that can be."

As she considers his words for a long moment, Sigyn studies his face. It seemed... different tonight. He seemed different than the night he'd ventured to talk with her. She attempted to pinpoint just what it was without much luck. "What troubles you so?"

It's a simple question, and yet felt so heavy to her. "I mean, you don't have to answer if you don't want to... Just..." Naea shrugs, finally meeting his eye. "You seem troubled, I guess. You also have every right to tell me to mind my own." That last bit musters a small smile before she sips her wine.

[trickytricks.insanejournal.com]

In all actuality, he wasn't sure. It seemed difficult to put into words, but he would try. "I think I'm just...tired," Loki finally managed, looking down into the depths of his wine glass - the answers weren't found there in the Merlot, not in its tart sweetness. How he wished they were. How he wished he could forget - but he never did. "I often wonder what it would be like to not come back at all, as another mortal."

Depressing thoughts, to be certain. But he thought about it a moment longer before amending, "Being around you makes me feel lighter though. I actually don't want to give up, because you never have, and so why should I?"

[delicatefire.insanejournal.com]

If she were honest, Sigyn would admit that being told by someone that they felt less heavy because of her was a bit heavy in of itself. “I almost think it helps keep us grounded,” she said into her glass before she sipped a bit of the wine… which she would have to remind herself to let him know that it was rather good later, but that was neither here nor there in terms of the current topic. Her blue eyes lifted to meet his. “Being human, I mean. Gives us purpose that we wouldn’t likely otherwise have. Even if that purpose isn’t overly clear at times.”

’And my dreams are not as empty; as my conscience seems to be…’

The lyric made Naea glance from Loki’s face to her laptop. In that brief moment, she somehow thought that Daltrey and Townshend got it right--for all the weight her heart and shoulders have not been burdened with by acts of her own, her dreams (especially as of late) would lead her to believe otherwise. Some twisted, some memories. Some regrets. Her attention turned back to her present company. “Have you found anything in this life worth living for? To give you some semblance of purpose?"

[trickytricks.insanejournal.com]

"Just you," he replied, but there was no just about it. Obviously it was more, but Loki thought that Sigyn knew that - no matter what happened between them - she was that little light within him that clung to his more human side anyway, made him remember it was still there. He reached over and framed her face with his hand for a moment, cupping her cheek, before dropping that traitorous hand back to his lap. "I'm so glad to have run into you again, in this life."

Maybe it wasn't a fulfilling life for him, maybe he just wanted to rest eternally and retreat into shadows where he belonged. But having her made a difference, even if she didn't believe it.

[delicatefire.insanejournal.com]

As he touched her face, Sigyn leaned into his hand as though nothing had ever changed. She had not pulled away from him when he took her hand at the diner, and while the logical and pained part of her was unfurling red flags, the part of Sigyn that had always loved him, regardless of the insane things he would do, held on. Loki was both calming and equally terrifying to her.

It wanted to believe that maybe, for once, it wasn't about him. She had to ask herself if people could change...

He was breaking her heart. She wanted to go to him; wanted to fix him or ease his own ache at the very least. "So," she sighed, taking a deeper sip of her wine as she lifted her gaze to his. "I'm not sure either of us can or should keep going like this. I hate the things that you've done. I hate the fact that you've done them." Naea bites her lip. "And you've been on my mind since the day you appeared on the forum." Her fingers tapped at the place over her heart. "You're always here."

She wanted to yell at herself. She wanted to kick him out and throw the food and the wine after him. Her eternal patience was holding fast, and a pair of souls that had once been ripped apart were closer than ever for the first time in millennia.

[trickytricks.insanejournal.com]

"You're always there for me too." He didn't have to think about it, he just knew. It was as easy as breathing, similar to the way Loki loved her and always would. "Because of you, that's the only reason why this stupid heart even still works." Sometimes he didn't think it did - sometimes he thought it was all blackened, nothing but murky swampwater. But Sigyn kept the light there, the good that was still left within him.

He leaned in and kissed her forehead - more chaste than he would have liked, but things were confusing for them and he couldn't rush anything. "Where do we go from here?"